Cav's Place

I just noticed that the previous post was the 1000th filed under “Personal” and at first I found myself thinking that it’d have been better for this post to mark that milestone. But after a moment I realized that it’s probably better as it is, since both are quick posts, but that previous one was notable, marking such an achievement, completing a marathon with an official time below four hours, while this one is just something that I’ll throw here to mention that this ball of rock and metal that we keep trashing as if we and all other species that we share, or should be sharing, it with had plenty more to spare returned to pretty much the same spot on its orbit as it was when I was unfortunately thrown onto it through no choice of my own for the 40th time since then.
At least it won’t be quite as rushed of a post as it was last year, and the contrast between the results at the marathon makes my mood definitely different, but I now wonder just how much I’ll be paying for that, since my throat is really sore and I’ve also been feeling rather like I have a fever, or at least like I had one before crawling out of bed this afternoon. And some work that’s once again being done means that we don’t have hot water, and the site states that it won’t return until at least Thursday night, so it’s a very good thing that this happened after the marathon, and also after yesterday, when I went out again and then could take a bath at night, since after the marathon the water wasn’t warm enough for more than a shower.
To get back to turning 40, I glanced at the previous posts written to mark such milestones, and while at 35 I only mentioned it in passing in what was mainly a post about a run and at 30 it was just a regular, or in fact even hasty, personal update, at 25 I did write quite a post, about my close relationships until then, and if I’d be to make another “proper” milestone birthday post it’d probably update that one… Not that there’s much to say about it.

And what’s above is how far I got before midnight, so I initially posted just that and then kept writing, adding the rest almost an hour later and deciding to make that quick update to the situation listed in that post after all, starting with the obvious fact that the blog is no longer hosted by Jen, after she stopped talking to me and then the site vanished, so I ended up getting my own site. Otherwise, I did find Elena P., but what I saw definitely made it seem that nothing was real back then, and the fact that she never replied when I sent something likely confirms that. And things went sour with Andreea too, and at this point I wouldn’t say that she’s someone really worth mentioning if I’m to talk about people I was or at least hoped to be really close to. Alina, later Ami, was such a person, but that went really badly after a certain point. Then I probably should mention Susana, though that was always awkward and difficult and she kept being convinced that I hated her, or at least that’s what she said, and then she cut contact as well and even blocked me. And then there are Alma, Sonya and maybe, at a stretch, Alexandra, but after the initial period I can’t say that I talked that much to Alexandra, so she’d just be someone who didn’t actually cut contact. As for Alma and Sonya, we’ve been in contact for over a decade and did talk a lot at times, but those times ended years ago it’s been a long time since I’ve really talked to anyone. Then again, for quite a while I learned to stop expecting a reply if I send something to Sonya, but I can’t blame her for it when it can be several months between messages and when I send something it tends to be a quick comment or a link. And, while Alma will reply if I send something, the differences between us mean that she never was someone that I could actually be close to. And then there is the fact that I don’t really have a reliable and comfortable method of exchanging messages anymore.

I should probably write something about running as well, starting with the fact that I don’t intend to sign up for next year’s marathon, and at this point I wonder if this one wasn’t my last one. On the one hand, seeing those people in their 60s and 70s, and even one who was 80, get past me, easily pull ahead and finish well ahead of me was both humbling and inspiring, and did make me think that I want to be able to do that at their age, but on the other hand the dedication required for that is something that I have no interest in, the current general level being pretty much as far as I care to go, and when it comes to preparing for the major runs, I don’t exactly want to even put as much into it as I have for this one again, so if I’d try again, the results will almost certainly only be worse, possibly much worse, and it’s probably better to just keep this achievement and limit myself to half marathons, though I might more or less still stick to the schedule that I have in order to prepare for the marathon and “honor” the date either with that 35.2 km run or at least with a half marathon run through the park.
On the other hand, I do think of ultra marathons, and it seems only normal to advance to them as you get older, since I was reading that the best results at such distances are obtained by men in their late 40s, and it’s common for those in their 50s to also do well, since when it comes to such distances speed matters far less and experience and the mental strength to just force yourself to keep going are far more important. But, on top of the prospect being daunting in itself, the big problem is that I don’t want to travel and there are no longer runs organized in or around Bucharest, and in fact the few ultra marathons I’m aware of in Romania are not city runs, but trail and even mountain competitions, which is something that I definitely won’t do. So maybe I won’t move to that level at all… But, as an alternative, I was thinking of a long walk, at least once, crossing much of the country. But, of course, that will take a lot of preparation and, if I will go for it at all, it’s something that’s years down the line… And it will mean traveling, which is a major problem in itself.

Otherwise, I kept thinking that if I will manage to finish the marathon with an official time below four hours, I’ll buy myself a certain cake, and maybe also a bottle of white wine, just to see how it is. But I have no interest in alcohol, not even as a curiosity anymore, so there’s little point in wasting money on that. And the problem with the cake is that such cakes can’t be small, the smallest have about one kilogram, and eating it before it’ll go bad will be a problem, since I obviously don’t have anyone to share it with, and now there are serious reasons why I couldn’t possibly send any of it to my mother either, and dad likely won’t want any, or at least no more than a taste. But I may not even find that cake anymore, and I worry that if I’ll buy it I may find that I don’t like it, which would make it even more of a problem. At least before last night it didn’t matter because I didn’t have the money for it, and finances are pretty much impossibly tight at this point, but apparently my mother sent me some money and while I initially tried to refuse, pointing out that they’re in such a difficult spot and can’t afford anything right now, I was told that those money are available and they’re her gift to me since she knows that I don’t want anyone buying me things, so now I have enough to get myself quite a number of things, not just that cake, if I’d care to, while at the same time the amount will hardly make any difference when it comes to the plans for a new computer, so there’s little point in saving them for that. And those plans will almost certainly get delayed yet again anyway, considering how things stand. Not that I mind the excuse, since changing the computer is such a frightening prospect, but I was 30 when I got this one and, on top of the performance problems, there’s always the question of how long it’ll even continue to function.