Cav's Place

Wednesday I got back to Eschalon, and I’m actually trying to push forward, since I know I gave up back in 2017 because I was too wary of doing so and don’t want to let myself get like that again, so I’d rather get back to it now instead of writing this, but I guess I’ll try to get it out of the way first. The date of the last save was May 19, 2017, and it was actually made after an important main quest moment, but the previous save was from May 10 and the playing time was just 0.2 hours less, and the one before that was from April 16, with the playing time only 0.1 more hours less, and basically just a handful of steps away from the May 10 one. So I guess those last two were the last attempt from 2017 to get back to the game, after having been too wary to continue in April, and then I thought I had been wrong to continue and just gave up for good. Of course, since I can’t remember exactly what I was thinking then, I can only hope it was just a case of me worrying and my perfectionism getting in the way and not that I actually realized I had done something wrong, as that’d imply that continuing from that last save will eventually put me in a bad position, but I guess I’ll keep both the April 16 and May 19 saves around, just in case.

This week’s run was Thursday, after initially meaning to run Tuesday and giving up after opening the window that day. According to the forecast at the end of last week, there was going to be a short break between the days of freezing rain, which caused thousands of trees to break or get uprooted by the weight of the ice, plus countless branches breaking off those that survived, poles also falling, cables snapping, hundreds of cars and all sorts of other things getting damaged, and the regular rain, which was supposed to start Wednesday afternoon, so I thought Tuesday was my only chance. However, by then the forecast had changed, the rain still being supposed to start Wednesday afternoon but stopping between Thursday morning and evening, so if I was to believe that new forecast I had a second option, and decided to make use of it when I opened the window after waking up Tuesday, heard what appeared to be rain and quickly realized that it was all that ice melting, causing not only what in effect was rain if you were under anything but also, worse, a “rain” of icicles that simply made it unwise to go out at all. Plus, I had seen all the branches and even entire trees gathered at best in piles everywhere the previous evening, and the pole which had fallen across the street and still hadn’t been picked up, so if the sidewalks looked like that, I doubted that the path around the lake was clear enough by then.
The thing is that the weather turned out to have been good for running Wednesday too, and I woke up before noon, when dad left, so there was no danger of the rain coming before I’d get back, the forecast pushing it to the evening anyway. However, it’s possible that it was actually too warm Wednesday, 8-9°C, the lower limit for running with just a t-shirt on and I didn’t intend to do that, so in the end Thursday proved to be the better choice. The rain just ended in the morning and the sky remained overcast, so it was wet, a lot of humidity in the air, some wind too, though I can’t say I felt it after I started running, but the reported temperature of 6-7°C meant I could wear my training shirt as well. Still thought I’d overheat, dressed like that, but I didn’t.
Pushed every step of the way, meant to at least get back under 50 minutes and managed it, the time being 49:11, with sector times of 4:21, 5:09, 6:05, 4:33, 5:04, 6:03, 4:34, 5:15, 6:12 and 1:55, making for lap times of 15:35, 15:40 and 16:01. After the first sector I wondered whether I had even recovered my normal speed, realized I hadn’t after the next two sectors, but then the second lap, sectors two and three in particular, made me hope to even get under 49 minutes. That ended after I saw the time for the third lap’s second sector, but I still pushed to see how close I could get, despite feeling that I was simply out of energy.
Still took my regular shoes, there were some puddles to go around, the piles of fallen and cut branches had been pushed to the sides but there were a few areas with small branches not swept away, which were slippery under those conditions, and there were three spots, one in sector one and two in sector three, where branches that are usually low were even lower and needed to be avoided. The other two were fine, but one of those spots from sector three required me to dodge quickly the first time, and then, despite thinking that I’ll remember it and know what to do on the next two laps, found myself likely thinking of something else just at that moment on lap two and very suddenly dodging out of reflex when the branches were just in front of my eyes, leaning left and making my rib hurt a fair bit, though it wasn’t much of a problem otherwise. The other issue was that on lap three’s third sector I felt like I needed to take a crap again, despite having gone twice before leaving. Not terribly so, but it was another thing to manage. Other than that, breathed out mostly through my mouth, but obviously never in.

Since I mentioned the rib, it still hurts quite a lot when I wake up, so it definitely doesn’t agree with my sleeping position, or with something I do in my sleep, but it’s not much of a problem anymore otherwise. Using creams twice per day, usually one with natural ingredients, the other one just the first time and before running. It still feels swollen in that spot, and it got worse before getting better though, something just snapping Saturday, when I was in the kitchen after wiping the dust in my room and also getting over the corner of the bed from the other bedroom to take a picture of something, and the pain definitely getting worse after that moment. Not that I let that stop me, since I had started cleaning my room after a long time and I finished in spite of that, changing the sheets too.

Saturday was a pretty bad day in terms of how I felt for other reasons too. Then again, was panicking before I got to bed that morning too, feeling that tickling again in my chest and coughing again a bit, so I went to bed at 4:30 AM and again had to blow and spit stuff out when I woke up. It wasn’t much, but it was again yellow, possibly even with a trace of blood from the nose and what was coming from my throat and chest maybe even getting greenish again. Still felt that tickling too, though it did seem somewhat different, more like a normal feeling after having to cough and spit stuff out. My left hand was also twitching and it took quite a while to stop, and even when it wasn’t obvious anymore, after taking a nap late in the evening, before taking a bath, I could still feel it wanting to do that a few times. Still, after the bath and while eating that night I started hoping that the treatment had indeed worked, since that feeling making me cough didn’t get worse, and might have even felt a bit better, though I again got worried when it did get worse before going to sleep, so got in bed at 4:45 AM.
The next day I no longer had much of anything to blow, but there was still some stuff from throat and chest, and definitely that unpleasant color again. That feeling that made me cough was much reduced though, and remained so after I got in bed, even if it was noticeable again then. And that’s more or less how it’s been since then, still noticing a bit of that feeling but not really making me cough anymore except when I wake up, when there may still be a bit of stuff to spit out, though the color seems to have mostly cleared, and late at night, or early in the morning if you prefer, just before I get in bed and while I am there, before falling asleep. It’s not bad then either, not even something I need to really make an effort to manage anymore. On the other hand, a tooth, in the upper left side, seemed to want to start hurting, this getting quite noticeable Tuesday night, or Wednesday morning, when a combination of this, the fact that I had napped late and being worried by some noises the HDD was making made it very hard to fall asleep. Does, however, seem to have gotten much better on its own since then.

Other than that, Monday evening, a bit after 7 PM, I went to Carrefour and Kaufland, dropping off the recyclables on the way as well. Got a few things for myself and more that my parents wanted, needing to ask about the coffee, since in the spot where it should normally be there were just the smaller boxes, which weren’t on sale, those that were on sale having been moved to the main alley, so at the end of a shelf, but that being the one with cereals, not coffee, so I hadn’t noticed them and assumed they had sold out before somehow managing to work up the courage to ask an employee and being told where to look. Either way, after going through the mall Carrefour’s in again on the way back, I saw two carts outside, one definitely having a coin in it, so I just connected it to the other and grabbed the coin. Didn’t spot a coin in the other, but didn’t mean to take them all the way back for it anyway, so can’t say I looked too hard either.

And now, after taking a break to sort of listen to the second half of a match while checking some other stuff on-line, let me get to yesterday as well, when I went to get some more things, since I definitely needed bread. Found myself waking up around 9:45 AM and got up a bit after 10 AM, waiting for dad to leave first, then put the plastic bottles which had gathered in a bag and meant to leave at 11 AM, yet couldn’t make it and decided to wait for the next free bus, going out at 11:30 AM and waiting ten minutes, since it came pretty much exactly on time. Saw the recycling machine open when I got there, but it was quite clear that it was just getting emptied, so I wandered around for a bit and could use it when I got back there, knowing that I didn’t risk it filling up either. Then got some stuff from Auchan, but couldn’t come right back because I couldn’t find one thing I was completely out of, and according to the price that was in that spot on the shelf it’d have been a bit more expensive than at Kaufland anyway, since Auchan apparently increased prices a whole lot lately, this actually being one of the smaller increases I noticed.
So I had to go to Kaufland too, and meant to take the free bus that’d get me closer to it more directly, yet ended up missing it. Thought I had more than enough time when I got in line, but it took a while and I ended up in the station right when it should have left, yet it had apparently left at least a couple of minutes early, since I didn’t see any bus driving away when I got out either. Still, since that bus has a short route, there should have been another leaving in 15 minutes, so I waited, yet when that one should have left the driver and one other man started working on the engine and it didn’t go anywhere, and I ended up waiting for 23 minutes and taking the next bus coming here, which also left a couple of minutes early. Did use it to get closer to Kaufland, in fact being able to get off it a little bit closer than if I’d have taken the other one, just that it doesn’t go there directly, so I wasted a fair bit of time and would have likely gotten there faster on foot.
At Kaufland I managed to find the thing I still needed, though at first I thought they were also out, since the box with those little bags was behind another, the spot where that price label was being empty. So got two of those and one more thing, and even found a 0.05 RON coin a few steps away from me when I got in line and had a look around, this allowing me to give the exact amount to the cashier. And then, after almost giving up on going inside Carrefour as well when all the cabinets were full when I got there, changing my mind after a girl came and got her stuff out of one a few moments later and I could use it to store my purchases, the same thing happened there as well, though in that case I found that coin right after getting the two things I got from there, on my way to the checkout, and it didn’t allow me to give the exact amount but one that left the cashier just needing to give me back 0.50 RON. Then found two more 0.05 RON coins after walking away, one right past the checkout, and also one 0.10 RON one at some point, though can’t recall where anymore. On the other hand, for once I left a cart that clearly had a coin in it next to the exit of that mall, since I saw it but was in a hurry. Had lost time getting there, then a few more moments checking out the nearby sporting equipment store for something dad’s looking for, and I had seen ski jumping starting at 3:35 PM in the TV schedule, though I thought the round started at 5:10 PM, so was wondering what that was about and was already late, only getting back just before 4 PM and seeing that I had missed the first 15 jumps of the qualifying, which had likely started at 3:45 PM.

15 years after landing and seven and a half months after last contact, the team is making what is likely the final push in the effort to reestablish contact with Opportunity. Since she failed to send as much as a beep in the months since the conditions should have allowed her to once again charge her batteries, the chances that the rover is still capable of communicating are very low and getting lower with every day that passes, but the time of year during which the solar panels have previously been cleaned of some of the dust deposited on them is now, so in case the problem so far has been that so much dust had gathered during the dust storm that hardly any sunlight reached the solar panels, it is possible that the situation has recently changed or will soon do so, at least a little. It’s unlikely, since being without power for so long would have most probably caused other failures, the amount of dust needed to prevent charging sufficiently to even send a beep would also in itself risk damaging the rover’s systems, and being covered in so much dust and then suddenly getting rid of quite a lot of it isn’t particularly likely either, but highly unlikely doesn’t mean impossible.
Still, there’s nothing the team can do about the dust, so they’re addressing other potential problems, sending commands which would provide Opportunity with instructions to get around potential failures which would require “a series of unlikely events”, I assume in order to occur on their own, without this implying a complete failure and the rover being unable to wake up on her own at all. Even if this strategy would be successful, I’m not sure how much the rover would still be able to do in such a state, especially if the problem, or one of the problems, has to do with a major failure of her communications systems, but I guess that’s something to think about if she will “call home” at all… And I still want to hope, at least a little bit, that she somehow will.

Finished the treatment yesterday and don’t like how I woke up today, but it’s too soon to say whether the symptoms will actually reappear and I should really get around to writing about the flu and doctors, even more so since Wednesday I finished the book and wrote the quick review, leaving me even more depressed than I usually am but also with one less excuse. Still, first I’ll mention that I ran again Monday, still embarrassingly slowly. The time was 53:25, with sector times of 4:29, 5:35, 6:32, 4:55, 5:38, 6:37, 5:04, 5:45, 6:45 and 2:05, making for lap times of 16:36, 17:10 and 17:34. The reported temperature was 2-3°C and there was some wind, plus a bit of muck left in a few small areas, and I again didn’t pick the most efficient paths, but I thought the real problem would be the rib… And I can say that I pretty much forgot about that due to needing to struggle not to shit myself from the very beginning, feeling like I had to go again just before going out the door but deciding not to, since I didn’t have the time, and being quite certain that I was going to end up literally shitting myself even early on. Sort of went from toilet to toilet, whenever I passed one thinking that I had to make it at least to the next, until sector three of lap three, when I knew that the next toilets were close to the end of the lap and I told myself that I’ll finish even if I will shit myself, and somehow managed not to anyway. Obviously no way to push under those circumstances, and on the final sector I took it quite easy, just trying to finish without something in my boxers…
Had set the alarm at 10:10 AM that morning, to watch Halep’s match, then considered going to run right after it, but instead just went to the toilet and then got back to bed, setting the alarm at 3 PM and then rushing to eat something, mostly what I usually do before running, taking the pills and then going out the door at 3:55 PM, rushing a bit to the park, to start running ten minutes later. Rushed back too, sorted out that pressing matter faster than I thought I would, then changed clothes and rushed to the doctor to have my ears checked after she had cleared the stuff from there Thursday, since I had mentioned that problem to the family doctor as well since I was at the clinic anyway. Since I had to go there on my own, dad meeting me there, since we both had an appointment but he was coming directly from where he had been until then, I got a bit confused on the way, going two wrong ways at an intersection before figuring out the right one and not noticing that dad had apparently called me right during that time either, but I ended up being only some three minutes late. He told me that a woman with a child had showed up just before me and he allowed them to go in first, since I wasn’t there yet, but they came out quickly, so it was fine anyway.

Today I first woke up early, seeing 9:14 AM when I checked the time, but managed to get back to sleep… Only to have a scary dream about my computer messing up badly and waking up again quite quickly, seeing 10:23 AM when I could recover enough to check the time, after at first being convinced that the dream had in fact been real and wondering what I was going to do. Still, after that I set the alarm at 10:50 AM and probably managed to just get a few more minutes of sleep before waking up to watch ski jumping, only to find that the session was delayed and ending up sort of watching tennis. Then, since the ski jumping wasn’t on TV when it actually took place and I had also just received the message notifying me that I could pick up the debit card I had to get, I went out and got that over with as well, then got back to see that the recorded ski jumping session started earlier than the TV schedule said it would, so I could see starting from the 21st jumper.

Since I mentioned the computer, I’ll get back to January 5, when I restored from backup one more time. Had updated Emsisoft Anti-Malware (EAM), since the delayed branch had been updated to a new version as well, disabled debug logging after doing so, and that apparently triggered another bug that made it freeze my computer. The support guy said that the reports about that issue ended after this version was released, so he thought it had been fixed, but apparently not, or at least not for me, since for me it’s the first time it happens. Not that I had debug logging enabled in a long time, so I can’t know when it started doing this when it’s disabled, or under what circumstances it may happen. But it still has to do with starting another program, since after turning debug logging off I played a bit more Jotun, then quit the game, started the TV tuner’s software, then tried to open the browser as well and nothing happened. Started Task Manager and, while slowly, it did show up, seeing two instances of iexplore.exe but nothing showing up. So I terminated those processes, tried again, and the result was the same, and then the CPU use fell first to 50% and then to zero, meaning that BOINC couldn’t work anymore either. And nothing worked after that, so had to do a hard reset again, and that put me between a rock and a hard place.
The problem is that whatever causes that conflict that results in a black screen and a conhost.exe crash when attempting to log on seems to be permanent with EAM 2018.11, no longer just happening once after a reboot, usually after a Windows update, and then working normally if rebooting again. And since I had uninstalled and reinstalled EAM in order to get around this issue before and they changed the installer, there’s no separate uninstall option anymore and it can’t be uninstalled under safe mode either, so I thought my only option was to restore from that backup made on December 22 again, the couple of other options the support guy mentioned when I told him about it later not even crossing my mind. That might have still not been enough, since EAM tried to update itself right away, noticing that it hadn’t been updated in a long time, and if it’d have done that I’d have been stuck yet again, since I had to reboot to reinstall that Internet Explorer update too, but I noticed and stopped it.
After rebooting again, saw that the fans were stuck at 70% again, the speed not changing according to the temperature, and since I knew that I needed to shut down the computer, not just reboot, in order to fix that, I did that too, apparently just when EAM was trying to update again, resulting in quite some time passing before it actually shut down and an error in logs, stating that EAM didn’t properly shut down. But the computer started just fine after that, once again without any of those black screens and crashes, the fans were operating normally as well and everything seemed fine, so I allowed EAM to update too, turned debug logging on again, and haven’t rebooted since, seeing as the January Windows updates didn’t seem to include anything critical. But, of course, I will need to install updates and reboot, likely after the February ones will be released, plus that needing to keep debug logging on to avoid my computer from freezing isn’t a solution either, as the logs already take up several GB and my system partition doesn’t have that much free space.
Then again, my license expires on February 14, so I’ll see whether the support guy says that anything has been fixed when the next update will be released, though he did say that since I’m the only one reporting these problems now the developers just flatly said they have no time for it, then likely test myself just then, and depending on how things stand I’ll decide whether I’ll purchase another year or need to get back to testing various other products again. Sure don’t want to do that, especially when there’s just one year left until I’ll unfortunately need to change the operating system as well, which is a prospect that truly horrifies me, seeing as all options are just awful, but if EAM won’t allow me to use my computer anymore, I’ll need to.

That night I went to bed at 4:10 AM, so about one hour early, feeling feverish and weak, and the fever didn’t seem to break while I slept. Woke up the next day with a bad cramp, then had headaches too, and in the evening it got even worse again. The snot wasn’t as much of a problem as it usually is, but I really felt rotten, though the following morning the fever seemed to break after I struggled to blow and spit stuff out at 8 AM, since I was starting to feel something in my chest as well, after being surprised that I hadn’t felt anything there until then. Spent most of that day in bed and the symptoms seemed to change, getting closer to those of a regular cold, and not a bad one at that, so I thought I was on the path to recovery at that point.
Well, things started getting nasty on January 8, when as I was waking up to blow and spit in the morning I noticed more and more blood from my nose. Put a few nose drops then, though I did it while standing and just keeping my nose up, so not sure how far they got, but they did seem to help at first, even if that also meant chunkier stuff ending up in my chest. Later that day I thought I was starting to pretty much clean up, coughing and spitting stuff out easily, and then continued to believe that as I ate at night, when I had a coughing fit every couple of bites, needing to spit stuff out and give myself a moment to recover before being able to take a couple more bites, and then having to go through it all over again.
The morning of January 10 was again hard, still having to wake up to cough and blow stuff out, eyes being runny and bloodshot and just feeling exhausted, though it was much better after I managed to catch another hour of sleep in the evening. The cough wasn’t getting better though, and when I took a bath and got myself fully under water I couldn’t make it ten seconds without a bad coughing fit and needing to spit, which I guess would have been a way to get a lot of crap out but was too tedious, so I gave up after a while. It was even worse while eating that night though, with bad coughing fits pretty much every time I swallowed, my chest and back starting to hurt, getting really tired because of it and continuing to cough after I finished eating too. The other symptoms seemed gone, but the cough was getting really worrying.
The next day dad was supposed to go to the family doctor anyway, to get my mother’s prescription, and considering the hard and scary morning I had, being unable to stop coughing, needing to carefully control breathing to have any chance to catch bits of sleep between being woken up by more bad coughing fits, and blowing mostly dried blood from my nose as well, I sent him a message, asking him to ask her about it as well. The problem is that she doesn’t schedule people, or if she tells them to come at a certain time the schedule’s not respected, people usually being received in the order they arrive in, and staying inside longer than they should because she’s alone in the office and answers the phone while patients are there too, so he waited for quite some time and eventually left, saying there were still 12 people ahead of him at that point and he’ll try again Monday, so he just got a few more things from a pharmacy on the way back. My nose also got stuffy again after I sent him that message, but it cleared again by evening, the problem remaining the cough, which was scaring me more and more. It wasn’t dry anymore during the day, but the feeling was the same, as if something was tickling me inside my chest, just that I had stuff to spit out too. Eating and drinking hot things, including hot milk with honey, helped for a bit, but then that feeling returned, and I started seeing some traces of blood in what I was spitting out too, though just occasionally and, considering what was coming from my nose, it didn’t mean that any of it was actually coming from my chest.
When I got in bed the next morning I noticed I could resist coughing for a little bit of time even in positions in which I immediately had a coughing fit until then, so I tried that, only coughing lightly once or twice every few seconds, and managed to fall asleep, only waking up almost three hours after going to bed, my body having apparently decided to show me what it meant to do so, since my nose was really stuffy and there was a whistling sound from my chest when I breathed, which definitely hadn’t happened until then. Could clear my nose after a few attempts, but all the coughing didn’t produce anything from my chest, yet I managed to get back to sleep and only woke up close to two and a half hours later, and only because of the noise, the plumber being in the building again, continuing to replace the water meters. More coughing and blowing, the coughing again completely dry, then back to sleep and only waking up again some two and a half hours later, just before the plumber got here too. Did have quite a coughing fit when I woke up that time, but heard the door right away, so very carefully controlled my breathing and position and somehow managed to wait until he left.
After eating that night, the bad dry coughing fits continued, and the first few hours in bed were very hard. Couldn’t do anything, couldn’t stop coughing, no way to sleep, eventually tried to sleep facedown and that resulted in my nose getting stuffy and runny instantly, needing to get up a couple more times… However, I know I got up around 8:45 AM and then I’m not sure whether I did so one more time or that was actually the last, was quite confused at that point, but what I do know is that after that I just crashed, probably passed out more than simply falling asleep, and only got up at 5:10 PM. A rib seemed to hurt, having started to do so during the morning, and there was snot to get rid of, but both nose and chest seemed to clear easily enough. Tried to tell my mother, who was just getting ready to leave again, that it’s bad, but it’s hard to talk about such things, or to my parents about anything, and she was making it harder by trying to fill in the blanks while I was struggling to get the words out, and then it all came to nothing when I mentioned the doctor and said that I don’t trust her and may not want to take what she’ll prescribe, and that they’ll likely get on my case because of that… And she started to do just that, so I just said we have nothing to talk about and just ran back to my room, avoiding her until she left.

Still, with dad going to the doctor again the next day, I ended up going with him. Considered going to a hospital myself, perhaps even at night, before he got back from work, when there should have been fewer people too and the cough was really bad, and the doctors from there would have been unknown to me, so at least I’d have been neutral about them, not distrustful from the start, but I was too afraid, so after he went to bed I left him a note in the kitchen, asking him to wake me so we’ll go together and explaining some things, including mentioning that we are so completely and fundamentally incompatible, starting from the most basic thought patterns, that any attempt to communicate can only result in anger and frustration on both sides, bad misunderstandings and a feeling of ill will from the other. Not that I’d be compatible with anyone else, but with my parents it’s very obvious and very bad.
So he woke me around 1 PM, not that I had slept much, having manged to nap a bit after going to bed, maybe a bit more at some later point, and then again at some point after 11 AM, until he woke me up. Then we went there, waited our turn, during which time I just read, having taken the book with me just for that purpose, and as soon as we went in and I said something, she jumped to write a prescription. Didn’t give me any diagnosis, listened to my lungs and said she didn’t hear anything, which was obvious, since it was a dry cough, sent me to get an x-ray done, stating that it likely won’t be free but nevertheless specifying a place, though I ended up having it done somewhere else anyway, but either way told me to start taking the stuff immediately, since from what I was saying at least the sinus infection was clear. And the treatment included a powerful antibiotic, now when everyone is finally shouting about antibiotic resistance and the need to only take exactly the right kind and only when absolutely necessary, plus something to protect my stomach from it, though no probiotic. It also included a cough syrup with nothing natural in it, in fact having a single active ingredient that has the sole listed purpose of blocking the cough reflex in order to reduce the patient’s discomfort while the cause of the cough is being treated, but also some pills to liquefy the stuff, plus some regular cold medicine and some expensive vitamins. I had mentioned the pills and the cough syrup I wanted to take and she just blew me off. Even the pharmacist looked oddly at that syrup and those pills on the same prescription, saying that I should ask again how I’m supposed to take them, because the pills should make me spit stuff out and the syrup would make it impossible to do so, and dad had bought better cold medicine already. Admittedly, she couldn’t have known this last part, but she could have asked.
Since I mentioned the pharmacist, dad went to the pharmacy from that clinic to get the stuff, insisting to “get it done” even though I wanted to check the prices at the cheaper ones I knew first… And he spent a third more just because of that, the price of, say, a pizza, just because he insisted on getting the stuff, a part of it unnecessary anyway, from one place instead of another. He did stop at that, asking for the price of the things on my mother’s prescription and deciding against getting those or the one thing he had been prescribed from there when he saw the difference, knowing how much he usually spends for my mother’s stuff, but that just made me responsible for that additional expense, including, I state again, things which shouldn’t have been purchased in the first place. And no, I didn’t even touch that cough syrup, just waiting for the antibiotic to do its job, which started happening quickly, both the cough and the sinus infection going away after a few days, and with it having such a limited use, I doubt we’ll use it later either, so that was another expense which should have definitely been avoided.
Was furious after that, just shaking with anger, due to how the doctor treated me, having to take stuff I didn’t mean to take and feeling responsible for those expenses through no fault of my own. And then it got worse when I told dad in the evening that we should go and have that x-ray done right away, the next day, to see exactly how things stand before the treatment kicks in, and he said that since the doctor won’t be there the next day and she said to bring her the x-ray right away, there’s no point, and in fact I should want to delay it, just to give the treatment a few days to kick in and then see that things are good, so I won’t see that something’s wrong and then worry. So, again, proving those fundamental differences, and convincing me that I needed to go alone and have it done, which I tried and failed the next day, since that clinic required appointments despite what the doctor had said and I was told that they had no more spots that day either way. Did manage to catch a nap that evening though, despite the anger, waking up at 12:15 AM.

After having the x-ray done, which I wrote about in the previous personal post, on January 17 I woke up at 10 AM and we left at 10:45 AM, in case we’ll need to walk to the clinic. But we took the car after all, so we were there earlier than planned, and she had a look at the x-ray and said it looks quite fine, that I either still have or just had stuff in my lungs but there’s no bronchitis or any other serious problem. However, she was very condescending when I was trying to have a look at the x-ray as well, saying that I may be “a smart boy” but there’s nothing I could see there, that only those who know how to read an x-ray can, then asking what could I possibly see there when I nevertheless got up and had a closer look.
Still, since I was there, I mentioned the wax clogging my left ear for so long and that it had again gotten in a position that made me not hear with that ear just then, and even though she again dismissed what I was saying and insisted that it was also because of the flu, or I guess the sinus infection, and wrote a diagnosis related to that, the doctor handling these things knew what she was doing, so I went in quickly, without needing to wait, the procedure was free and I had both ears cleared, since she said the right one was in a similar state, though it didn’t bother me. She did speak oddly, seeming used to have children as patients, using a lot of diminutives and at the same time being very firm and trying to direct the behavior of the patients in every way while in her office, but she actually seemed to be a good doctor, and despite repeating her recommendations, for both me and dad, since he went there too, for a different issue, and not really accepting being talked back to, she also stressed that she’s just giving advice and it’s all the patient’s choice in the end. Still, it was odd when she put the stuff from my ear on my hand and then, after she gave me a tissue and I tried to wipe off the bit which had ended up on the chair too, she just said “no”, repeating, louder, when I just stared at her in confusion, then told me to throw it in a tray, again just saying “no” when I couldn’t find the tray in question and tried the trash can, then put something else in the trash can herself and seemed to pretty much forget about me for a moment when I did finally spot the tray.

As I was saying about The Tower of the Swallow as well, The Lady of the Lake is often confusing, flitting between a patchwork of times and places, switching points of view, not giving the characters room and sometimes leaving the reader with something of a puzzle to put together. However, though there’s something to be said about the nice feast scene and the great sex scene that follows, perhaps the best example of this patchwork, Ciri hopping through worlds and times, is also where the book seems to really get going, being confusing and yet somehow right, and including emotionally intense moments.
The chapter about the Battle of Brenna was also quite impressive, though not for the depiction of the battle itself, and perhaps mainly for that bit at the end about the future of the healers. What follows, Stygga Castle, is a much smaller battle but better presented, more thrilling, and if you make some allowances for the bad guys exhibiting the sort of typical behavior that offers the heroes a chance to defeat them that they shouldn’t have, what I hoped to find in this book. And the aftermath can pack quite a punch. Then it’s back to jumping between times and places, yet it all paints a picture if you put it together… A desolate, depressing picture, which only gets worse in the final chapter.
Sapkowski mercilessly destroys his characters, those who die earlier being perhaps the lucky ones, and the survivors the most unfortunate. The world depicted sadly continues to accurately mirror our own, the way it turns out despite all the characters’ efforts, shunning and punishing them after all they have sacrificed, Evil that has rights and is taken into account in treaties, “progress” that is anything but, not because of conspiracies or secret plots, but because of the rotten, “simple and indeed universal traits” of people… There’s no place left for the heroes, they’re forced into lives that are not their own, leaving them disheartened, broken, mentally and physically, more or less lost… And then, of course, there’s the manner of death…

Rating: 4/5

In this post I’ll put some of the stuff I didn’t include in the previous one, but still leave out the stuff about the computer, even though I meant to include it at first, and definitely that about the flu and, with the exception of the x-ray, doctors. Have another appointment Monday evening anyway, albeit not for the cough and infection left after the flu, and still quite some way to go with the treatment for those, so I guess I’ll get around to all of that after it’ll be over, hoping it really will be over and I won’t be left with problems or have it come back. The fact that dad seems to have the same symptoms, albeit milder, but isn’t getting a similar treatment definitely worries me from that point of view, even if the doctor said he won’t give it back to me if it is the same thing, after I’ll get cured of it now.

A rib hurts quite badly since I woke up today. There was one that started hurting when I was coughing badly, making me worry that I had cracked it because of that, and it was also on the left side, but it was a different rib and the spot was right next to the sternum, while this is on the side. Wonder if I did something while running yesterday, or even while sleeping, but it may actually have to do with my back hurting again recently, that bone spur catching something else now, since it doesn’t hurt that way anymore, and this pain only appearing to be that particular spot on that particular rib, while in fact being an echo of that issue. And speaking of that, it suddenly started hurting again Wednesday evening, as I was doing squats, and kept hurting the next day, but yesterday it just seemed fine again, more quickly than expected.

Another little thing I’ll mention here because it happened again today has to do with Micky, who again got in my room as I left the door a bit open behind me when I came to have a look at something, before going back. But today I was at the computer, so she didn’t get under the desk and behind it and just left when she saw I noticed her and she won’t make it past me. Sunday, on the other hand, I went to spit and blow stuff out during ski jumping, again not fully closing the door behind me, and she got in and was obviously right behind the computer right away, getting tangled in the cables, with me staring and fearing she’ll unplug something. But I just stood close to the door, waiting, and she walked away on her own, then I could chase her out without incident.

Moving on to Tuesday, got a total of some two hours of sleep, waking up once and needing some time to get back to sleep, and woke up again a bit before 8 AM, going to blow and spit stuff out again. Then dad woke up, I waited for him to leave, then got up at 8:30 AM, thinking to go out pretty quickly, but then looked outside and saw that it was snowing heavily. Still, the forecast said it’ll stop, so I made tea and ate something, then watched tennis until it subsided, leaving a bit before 11 AM. Got the probiotic and another tea from an even cheaper pharmacy that dad told me of, though you need to ask for stuff there, or at least for most of it, and they have fewer things, then went to the one I go to as well and got some pills and another tea from there as well. Got scared for a moment when I got there, seeing a line going well out the door, but that was for prescription stuff, with reduced prices. Either way, then went to the Kaufland from that area to get some more things.
After that, went to the medical center I had been told to go to for the lung x-ray, actually meaning to have it done on my own since I wanted to know how things stood before the treatment kicked in and when I told dad that the previous evening he said that’s just why I shouldn’t have it done then, and should instead give it a few days and then see that it’s better. However, I couldn’t do anything, since I was told that, on top of not having funds to do it for free and therefore needing to pay, they couldn’t do it that day at all, so I was told to take a card if I’m not certain I want to still do it like that and call them to schedule if I will decide, but that it’ll have to be the next day at the earliest. So, on the way back, I also went to the diagnosis and treatment center next to the nearby infectious and tropical diseases hospital, since I had seen on the hospital’s site that such an x-ray was cheaper there. However, the hospital itself was apparently already under quarantine due to the flu and I didn’t try to go to it directly, not that I was really aware that the center in question is in fact a separate, private clinic. Learned that while waiting, when the person before me was told that they didn’t have funds for free tests either and the waiting list for that is for about three months, so anyone who wants theirs done faster needs to pay, and I didn’t know how it worked with scheduling and didn’t care to stay there and ask, so I got back, being here at 1:45 PM or so.

The next day I woke up twice after going to bed, but then apparently just crashed, dad waking me up a bit after 3 PM to go for the x-ray. I had told him what I had learned the day before, and that I had spared him a pointless trip if he’d have gone with me to that first center, and I had also checked the site and saw that the price for that x-ray was the same here too, so he decided that we should just go to this center, being closer, calling them that day and being told they don’t schedule, but anyone should just come in and wait their turn, and it shouldn’t be long. However, he was also told that the doctor giving the result, as in reading the x-ray and writing down whether anything shows up, won’t be there in the afternoon, so we’ll have to come again the next morning and pick it up. That proved to be false though, since the doctor was there and I got that result right away, stating that everything looked fine. There was so little to wait that I didn’t even read two pages…
Got back alone after that, and waited for dad to come back with the money he said he’ll withdraw, but also wanted to catch the free bus to Auchan that should be here around 6 PM and despite saying he’ll be back around 5:30 PM, I was just about to go out the door when he called to say he’ll be back in five minutes. I wasn’t about to wait though, so just took some of the money set aside and went out, but he found me still waiting for the bus and stood there with me until it came. I had taken the plastic bottles which had gathered too, and the machine worked, and I even put in two that I found fallen next to it, but it wasn’t much even so. Then got what I wanted, though there was none of the bread I usually want left at that hour and I had to get the other kind, plus what dad had told me to get, plus some of that food for the male cat that’s at my grandmother’s, since I finally saw some of that kind again, right on the top shelf, making me struggle to just barely manage to get a box down.
At the checkout, the cashier first accidentally scanned one of my items as being for the previous customer, then asked whether I’ll just pay him the amount to sort things out that way, but I only had large bills, so she had to call someone to fix it, then another cashier took over… And she commented about the “lucky cat” when she saw all the cat food, the next person in line saying she was just thinking that herself, but I didn’t say anything. The strange thing was that when I put the stuff on the belt, it appeared as if I had miscounted one kind of cat food, getting less than I meant to, and then I saw that same, lower, number being scanned, so I wasn’t surprised when the total was lower than I had calculated… But I should have been, because it was lower by more than it should have been, and later, when I checked the receipt, I found that the box of yogurt had been scanned as a single yogurt, since I had indeed counted that cat food correctly, but had apparently placed it on the belt in two places, likely forgetting the first one, and they were scanned the same way, so I just saw that second group. So Auchan again proves that in their case these mistakes really are just mistakes, since they can be in the customer’s favor as well, and that left me with the money for the kiwi I got from Kaufland the next day. That was definitely the cashier’s mistake though, as I had checked the price of the box and it had scanned correctly, but the cashier was quite focused on the cat food anyway, even forgetting to give me my receipt, and saying that she just got carried away with thinking about the cat when I grabbed it myself.

And now I’ll get back to January 5, when I had a pretty sweet dream about Andra… It started badly; I was trying to send her something on Yahoo! Messenger, not that it exists anymore, and I knew that she was laughing at me, telling others how I had no friends, that there was nobody on-line on my list, nobody to talk to, and I was crying so hard I couldn’t breathe… And woke up realizing I couldn’t breathe due to snot, so blew and coughed and spat, then managed to get back to sleep and the dream continued with me meeting her at some public party, with some master of ceremonies from back in the Communist days on stage. I knew she was in the bathroom and I went there, pretty sure that it really was the women’s bathroom, with other women there, looking at me angrily, but I knew some, they seemed known or even related to her even though I didn’t actually recognize the faces, and the bathroom actually looked like the corner of a small kitchen. She had some papers, notebooks or something like that on a table and snapped at me at first, but eventually one of the others, who in my mind was her grandmother despite being younger than she had been even back then, let it “slip” that they had to check some things about me and/or maybe I had to sign something, not sure anymore, because we were going to resume the plans to get us, as in Andra and me, and apartment together. That baffled me, even more so since she said the plans will be “resumed”, meaning that they had existed before as well, but I tried to just go with it and Andra did the same, just very casually addressing the matter, as if nothing should have been in any way surprising.
After that, we left that place and she wanted to go somewhere and for some reason we couldn’t take the metro from where she was trying to, so I led her to another station. However, even though it was one stop away from the closest one, when I needed to pee we were suddenly here, having apparently stopped by on the way, though that couldn’t have been the case. Still, here we were, and we had also talked about the changes dad made or was making, so I showed her some stuff, including the bathroom, where something had been placed in order to be able to hang stuff above the bathtub. It wasn’t up against the ceiling though, but lower, so I found myself telling her that she’ll have trouble standing when taking a shower there and she checked, just quickly getting in the bathtub, and said she’d just fit, but I won’t… And then we just seemed to just start talking about regular, domestic details having to do with living together again, very casually, as if it was the most normal thing… Until I was suddenly woken up again, not sure if by dad making noise or by snot or needing to pee or a mix of these. It definitely was the noise that didn’t let me get back to sleep though, so that’s where that ended.